Celebrating Easter

Celebrating Easter

With much arguing, name calling, & general un-Christian like behavior, we all pile into the car to go to Mom-Moms for Easter brunch.  Husband, already in a bad mood for a plethora of other reasons, looses it when I ask the wildly inappropriate question “did you remember the chips for the dip?”  He rants from the driveway to New Albany Road & then shuts up.  I, being the best “me” I can be, & unable to suppress the urge to point out his assanineisms, say things, ever so nicely in my best sweet little old lady voice, like:  “I don’t know why that was a bad question to ask”, “I don’t see the chips anywhere in the front seat”, & “maybe you need to do yoga.”  Luckily for him, Mom Mom lives in the same town.

Later, I am in the kitchen, helping Mom & my sister, get the food ready. 

Me;  “Oh if for any reason Husband starts to choke on anything today at brunch, DO NOT perform the Heimlich, just turn & walk away – I put a big old  DNR on his forehead today”

Sister A; “Oh can I get one of them for my husband as well?”

Mom; “Well please resuscitate your father, I like him”

Kid #2 passing thru the kitchen; “Well this is going to get confusing.  How am I going to
   remember who to save & who not to save?”

Me; “Huh, good point….. Pause for thinking……”We can use POST IT NOTES! Yes that will work”

Kid #2; shrugs …“OK” …& leaves to go get something from the basement.

Sister A's husband enters the kitchen.  “Can I take my jacket off?”

Sister A; “sure”

Me; “make sure your post it note doesn’t fall off”

Sister A's Husband; “Huh?”

I explain today’s plan, and he leaves looking a bit baffled & afraid. 
He then says to my Husband “um I think your wife is trying to kill you”

Husband; “Ok” & carries on with talking to Dad.

No resuscitations were needed this year at the Easter gathering, but feel free to implement this system at your next family event.