So I sit at work trying to concentrate, knowing full well that my house is systematically being destroyed by the fire ants I gave birth too. While it will be "no one’s" fault and each and every narcissistic fire ant will have a complete self appreciating tale of how they could and would not ever attempt such demolition, or blatant disrespect of the home I created, the fact remains - there are piles of destruction everywhere.
Each time I come home from work, it is like waking up after your best friend’s bachelor party. I walk from room to room wondering, pondering, questioning; who is the stranger in the pool, why is there a dog I’ve never seen before taking a dump in my yard, where did the freezer in the driveway come from, whose shirt is floating in the pond, and other peculiar questions, that leave one at a loss for words.
“Nice to meet you # 2’s significant other’s friend; what a small world that your brother knows # 4 from wrestling and you both have spent the day in my pool. Doesn’t your mom miss her family?”
“No, #1, my day was ok, and I’m not quite ready to crack open a beer with you at 4 o’clock in the afternoon, but thank you for asking.”
“Thank you #4 for taking care of the dogs - I can see by the attempted hole to China that you remembered to let them out this morning. Maybe tomorrow we can let them in before they try tunneling to freedom.”
“Yes, #2, I can see you made sure #4 matched today, the clothes pulled from the dryer, and spread out all over the floor, are a testament to your ability to make him follow through.”
“Cool # 3 - that is so great that Al Capone & Jeff Dahlmer, whom I haven’t seen, since they were in kindergarten with you 14 years ago, stopped by and hung out for a while. It is super they remembered you and said to tell me Hi. Of course I want to hear what they were arrested for last time, just give me a minute.”
“I am just going to step over the empty plates and glasses on the floor, follow the wet towel trail up to my bedroom, make sure the dogs are alive, change my clothes and then spend a little bit of time in my closet, rocking back and forth in the fetal position ..... I’ll be right back .
If you like today's story, leave a comment, share it through email, twitter or facebook via the little boxes below, and come back again. ~ Thanks for reading !!
No comments:
Post a Comment