whats mom smoking ?

Each morning is a new adventure – Life is what you make of it !

It is so exciting to open your eyes and start the day, by discovering who or what is next to you in bed, sprawled out on your floor, and curled up in your chair.  It’s my own personalized “Where’s Waldo” game.

Chances are good, that at least one dog and one kid will be present in the room.  Variables are numerous, and include; temperature, day of the week, alcohol consumption, order in which family members arrived home, & how quiet they were upon entering – just to name a few. 

Once you have checked the usual spots in your bedroom – then you can move to the other floors of the house.  The ultimate goal of the game is to assure each child you gave birth to is safe and secure, but it also can double as a “keep Alzheimer’s away” exercise.  As you go along your perimeter check, count up all the Kilowatts of energy you paid for all night long, as you turn off every light & electronic component that you own.  Adding up these large numbers will help keep your neurotransmitters in top working condition.

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5th grade yearbooks ?!?!

So several days before school let out for the summer, during lunch – I missed a phone call from the school.  Evidently someone who sounds like a bad combination of Fran Drescher, Michelle Duggar & Jessica Simpson, on crack, left me the following message:

Hello Mrs. Dibbles, this is Ms X, # 4’s vice principal.  I just wanted to let you know that # 4 wrote “I tap dat spelled D…A….T” in someone’s year book.  That is a sexual term Mrs. Dibbles …. It means you want to have Sex with a person. We do not allow sexual terms to be written in year books, Mrs. Dibbles.   I had to call #4 into my office & discuss this matter with him.  He looked genuinely remorseful, but I explained to him that he was going to get a consequence.  So I told him that I was taking his year book from him, and that his mom or dad will have to come to the school and personally pick it up. Thank you and have a great day Mrs. Dibbles.   

I made husband pick it up.    <sigh>

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Garlic I NEED GARLIC !!

I have given birth to 4 vampires, who are most energetic, after dusk.  Summer may be the most active vampire season, as the pool seems to attract them on hot nights.  Given that, myself, husband, & dogs are on “NVL time” (Non Vampire Lamesville time), sleep on these nights, can be elusive for us. 

Vampires are genetically predisposed to have no clue, that other, non vampires, may be trying to sleep. They do not own a whisper voice, and feel it is in the best interest, to open and close car doors and the pool gate, as many times as humanly possible. 

As the canine bestseller “How to be a Dog 101” dictates, each time a car door slams or a gate opens, it is the responsibility of any dog present, to begin barking. Furthermore, upon visual confirmation of person, squirrel or absolutely nothing, you add running back and forth between windows (& floors of your home if applicable) to your “How to save the family” to do list.  And finally, continue the process nonstop, until you are beaten to death, or lose interest.

Once the vampire club is contained in the yard, and have entered the pool to “chill”, the dogs grow bored of standing at the back door growling.  Evidently Ok with vampires raping and pillaging the back yard, they come to our room, flop on the floor, and return to sleep.

Alas everyone knows vampires cannot survive without a Wawa run.  So after what seems like mere minutes later, they have a brief ruckus meeting to decide who is driving, who is going, and who owes who money. Once established, the Wawa consumers leave.  The gate opens, the car doors slam, and poof the dogs are back to “saving us” again. 

Being the crazy cat lady is looking more attractive every day. 

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