Potty Humor

As the curtain opens on today's peek into Norman Rockwell life, 

we find the Griffis Family gathered in the master bedroom. 

Howard has just gotten out of the shower, and is grumpy from a 

long, hot days work, Amanda is sitting in one recliner, on her 

phone, & I am in the other recliner, reading emails on my laptop. 

Tyler & Coles are downstairs yelling at the Xbox, and the clearly

biased refereeing of whatever game they are playing against eachother.  

The older two dogs have gotten over the daddy's home euphoria, 

but Max is still milling anxious to help Howard put his shoes on. 

Carson enters the room and asks when are we going to get Max 

neutered.  Thus starting a far too serious & lengthy conversation
regarding "can you get a dogs testicles stuffed or bronzed." 

As the group reaches an agreement that Carson will ask Mr. 

Morello for a price to stuff Max's testicles, Coles bursts on the 

scene headed towards the master bathroom, with a roll of toilet

paper, yelling:  I gotta Poop.

Captain Grumpy, who apparently has lived in a world without 

children for the past 23 years, yells  DON'T USE MY BATHROOM. 

Coles stops, sighs, and says fine I'll use Amanda's
   and walks towards her room.

Howard, undeterred, continues on his "it's my bathroom tirade", 

as Amanda catapults out of the chair, chasing after the future
bathroom wrecker, yelling NO you are NOT using my BATHROOM. 

Coles:  I GOTTA poop.

Amanda: use YOUR bathroom on the 3rd floor

Carson (from somewhere in the house): 

      He doesn't wipe anyway what's it matter.

Coles:  Shut up.  I'll just use dads and starts towards the
      master bath again

(this is really just a suicide mission as Captain Grumpy is still
  peddling his one man one bathroom story and plotting
  against all who cross his path)

Howard:  COLES  You are not using my #%^%# bathroom.
           Go use your own and
           IS THAT MY ROLL OF TOILET PAPER ?!?! 

Coles:(mildly annoyed at the stupidity of this question)
     No its mine I keep it in my room for emergency use.

Me:  (Ignoring the fact that my husband has an apparent
deep seeded aversion to sharing anything related to
personal hygiene & the fact that my son feels the need 

to keep a roll of toilet paper in his bedroom for
emergency use):

     If you went upstairs to get your emergency roll of
     toilet paper, why didn't you just use the bathroom
     next to your bedroom.

Coles:  (beginning to feel like a potty orphan, sighs,
            & heads back to Amanda's room)

           "fine I'll just use Amanda's then"

Amanda:  COLES I MEAN IT you are NOT using my bathroom

Captain Grumpy, muttering to himself, exists room to go downstairs

Coles:  Now standing with very odd posture and clenched
butt cheeks, holding onto his emergency roll of toilet says
"I gotta poop" as he makes his way towards my bathroom door.

He makes a break for our bathroom and Amanda asks

"why doesn't he just use the downstairs bathroom right next to the Xbox?"

Tyler, who has just entered the bedroom says matter of factly:  

"Oh there is a spricket in there, or occasionally in there "

as if every 12 year old runs from bathroom to bathroom with an 

emergency roll of toilet paper, on a quest for a guaranteed spricket 

free zone.

Carson (from somewhere in the house) OH BIG SISSY afraid of a bug

Coles:  SHUT UP CARSON

Captain Grumpy from downstairs with good hearing; 
        GET OUT OF MY %^&$$ BATHROOM

Amanda & I at the same time:    He's Not in your bathroom

Captain Grumpy:  Why does it sound like he is in my bathroom

Amanda: You're just losing it

FADE TO BLACK 

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