Grass annoys me

Do you have any idea how many obstacles stand between the teen and the dreaded lawn mower. 

First you have to dodge the dog poop that another teen, is supposed to be picking up. Everyone knows, 25 elephant steps in a serpentine fashion is almost too much to bear, so you are going to need to take it slow. Next, overcome with an unstoppable parental urge, you have to call for your little brother, repeatedly, until he drags himself to the back porch.   Upon his arrival, you must threaten him with bodily harm and certain death, using as many profane words and adjectives describing his death and dismemberment as possible, should he ever, leave his bike in the middle of the yard again.  Extra points will be awarded if you cause the kind and gentle, quiet Christian next door neighbor to have a heart attack.

The suffering continues upon your arrival at the 8 X 10 shed.  In true “Where’s Waldo” fashion, you will need to locate the lawn mower.  This is going to be a real challenge, as the shed holds, 3 rakes, a shovel, a hose and a lawn mower.  It is important this step is not rushed, so you will get to stand by the open door, with your hand in your pants, while you “look” for the lawn mower for up to twenty minutes.  Choose wisely, and be careful not to play the “I can’t find it card” too early here, as many of your predecessors have.

After spotting the lawn mower, you may move onto the “in my spare time I have become a lawn mower expert and can tell this unit has no gas” story.  Don’t be too discouraged when the voice from the house says “the gas can is right next to you idiot”, you get half a point for trying.   

Next you need to start the lawn mower.  Using the “I can’t start it” method is an option, but history has shown it may be painful, so it may be in your best interest to utilize that a bit later.  Once the mower is started, you will be required to cut all of the grass.  This means the front, the side, and the space between the sidewalk and the curb.  We realize our 7 square feet of lawn, is an overwhelming amount, but take it slow; we believe in you, and know you are up for the task. 

While it is very kind of you to not cut the entire side yard, because you are trying to make sure you don’t run over what looks like a dead weed stalk, the dogs spent last summer peeing on, I want you throw caution to the wind, and take the chance. 

A few extra notes;  stopping the lawn mower, talking to a friend, then walking away, will not make us forget the grass is only halfway cut.  We have received special training that help us locate patches of grass that have not been cut, so you will be required to “play again” when we spot them.  We have a weed whacker, and aren’t afraid to make you use it.  

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