Sarcasm on the family crest

Genetics is a funny thing.  Mating 4 times with the same person, really gives one the opportunity to see every single facet of both the mother and fathers personality, whether they like it or not.

# 1 got a double dose of first born attributes, and will probably invent a treatment to cure ADHD, # 2 got all the well hidden empathy and artistic characteristics, and could change the world with song, # 3 inherited every last head strong, stubborn, never say die mannerism we ever had, and may one day save the world with a plethora of weapons,  # 4 …. Well … upon being born and realizing most of the traits had been claimed by previous siblings, #4 decided to take the only trait left and rise it to a higher level than anyone thought possible.  # 4 is sarcastic.

From the time he was 3 and went through his front lawn naked phase, the boy has had a superior talent for delivering perfectly timed, well delivered, ruthless and frequently profanity ridden comments to his siblings and unsuspecting individuals who have the misfortune of getting on his nerves. 

While, as parents, we never condoned or encouraged this behavior, we realized several things very early on; 1) It is hard to regain composure and yell at a 3 year old who has just told his 15 year old sister to “Kiss his ***”, because she wanted to turn “The Backyardigans” off,  2)  Two parents were grossly outnumbered by the parade of pubescent males that regularly haunted our home spewing their vileness on our child, and 3)  Most of the time, the people who # 4 annihilated with his words, actually did deserve it. 

There were signs impending doom was coming.  At age 22 months when #4 decided he was no longer interested in sitting in the high chair, he would start yelling “get out, get out, Get The Baby Out, GET THE BABY OUT” repeatedly until one of his well trained monkeys would hop too, and unbuckle him from his prison. Later at age 2 ½ during his thankfully, brief, Teletubbies phase, we heard him playing in his crib during nap time saying “Shut up Tinkie Winkie, &^%*&^% Shut up Tinkie Winkie”.  It probably did not help the fact that # 4 was drug to multiple travel ice hockey games to watch his brothers.  At age 3 he was happy to cheer for his brother “Get the Puck – Get The PUCK – GET THE *&$^# PUCK”.  We encouraged playing in the snack bar, after that. 

Lest you think it was an entirely profanity based childhood, # 4 was taught religion as well:
 “# 4 go tell your sister to turn down her God forsaken music”.  #4 trots off and yells the message to # 1’s closed door and comes back.  “#4 she did NOT hear you.  Go knock on her door and when she opens the door, then tell her”.  # 4 trots off again.  Knock, Knock, Knock. 

#1 opens door, scowling.  #4 pauses, “Um …. Um … GOD IS GOOD …. TURN DOWN YOUR MUSIC”. 

Due to space constraints - we will cover age 4 & up another day.

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