Way # 74

I don’t know about you, but sometimes the perks of being a parent, are hard to find.  You spend most of your time, listening to smelly little creatures tell you what they don’t want to do.  So whenever the opportunity arises, husband & I like to play a little game with our kids, we call “torture”. 

Now almost all parents “torture” their kids by making them do something around the house to help;  take out the trash, load or unload the dishwasher, or cut the grass, to name a few tasks frequently dispensed to offspring.  While, these are dependable ways to produce whimpers and protesting, we here at the Dibbles household like to kick it up a notch.  Today we introduce you to way number 74 of how to torture your child. 

In order to encourage family bonding; we have “Backyard Weeding Time”.  Most Saturday mornings, start out with the bellowing cries of children from every floor, who when awakened, are oddly struck with a sudden case of Big Ben syndrome.  This condition causes young adults to repeatedly ask “Don’t you know what time it is?”, while being unable to comprehend the actual answer to the question.   

Despite the limited distance, the process from bed to backyard can be a long one.  Once it starts to dawn on the offspring that maybe you do actually know what time it is, they will begin to face the inevitable.  Next up will be the “I have to get dressed” cry – do not fall for this one - there is not a dress code for weeding.  Some seasoned veterans, may try the “I have to shower” ploy, and standard protocol is to say “Later” and continue guiding them from their room. 

As you direct your family members to the great outdoors, you will inevitably have to pass the kitchen.  This is where the boys are separated from the men …. “But I HAVE TO EAT” will be shouted, with anger, conviction and attitude.  It is best to make direct eye contact, do not engage and respond with short sentences, such as “when done outside”.  If you are prone to grunting, this would be an appropriate time to add a brief one.   Be prepared for a small uprising.  Several members will join forces to protest and cite fair labor practices, and again, seasoned veterans may cause further distress, by adding chants or encouraging sit ins.  This mutiny will be unorganized and short lived, so stay focused on the plan, and keep steering the pack towards the goal.

When everyone has completed the journey to the final destination, each family member will need to be assigned, their own personal section of the garden to tend.  It is critical you assure the square footage of each weed filled section, is exactly the same as the others.  Keep the plot plan on hand, to subdue sporadic turmoil, and save for use during testimony in the class action lawsuit that will be brought against you, for cruel and unusual treatment of offspring.

If you are fortunate, between defending your chosen weed filled garden section boundaries, and shutting down all complaints of uneven weed to dirt ratios, child #1 will entertain you with a lovely little song she wrote, called the “I hate vegetation” song/ 

I encourage you to utilize this idea as a springboard, and adapt it to fit your own family’s needs. 

If you like today's story, leave a comment, share it through email, twitter or facebook via the little boxes below, and come back again. ~ Thanks for reading !!