Once upon a time, in a time long ago, lived a family of 6 who, along with one now "old significant other," decided to take a vacation to a far off distant land. This far off distant land was called the Outer Banks of North Carolina; and it took 7 very long and painful hours to get to there.
Editors note: OMG I think I just found my next book. Not exactly sure when the heck I am supposed to write these books, I don’t really see any chunks of extra time, lying around, she says as she types this at 5:25 am. The other night it took 3 ½ hours to write the blog, because child after child after child kept “visiting” me with very important issues like; he’s so annoying –I’m going to kill him, a 20 minute discussion on what pizza topping to get, and multiple other vital events. Unless the future new house has a “panic room” that I can move into, I see writing a book as a bit of a challenge, (although I like the possibilities with the whole panic room idea.)
Back to our tale. On this particular very long trip, Kid #1’s significant other joined us. Shout out to old significant other, who fit in very well, and we all liked, except kid #4. Yes there is a story floating around out there, about how, old significant other, gave kid #4 a haircut on the back porch, and tried to cut his ear off. There is truth to the incident, and while it was not intentional, unfortunately, kid #4 had a hard time letting go of this, and still to this day carries a grudge towards old significant other. My Dr. Phil view was, that it had more to do with the fact that, #4 was 6 at the time, and this was #1’s, who was 17, first significant other. Regardless, very little good could come out of putting these two, together in a car for 7 hours.
More or less, any time old significant other spoke, any word, to anyone, Kid # 4 replied “shut up old significant other”. I continually reprimanded #4 from the front seat, which as is the case when you deal with children who are aware, that the chances of you unbuckling, climbing over 3 people in the back seat, to get to him in the way back seat, to kill him; are in his favor, had very little effect.
An hour into the trip, I did not care who said what to who, as long as they would shut up, so I put kid #4 on ignore. The other kids put kid #4 on ignore, days after he was born, so that left one glaringly obvious target, for #4 to annoy.
Bless, old significant others’, heart, he traveled many miles as the victim of #4’s vengeance, without retaliating. However, all good things must come to an end, and old significant other, started fighting back. It his highly intelligent, sluggish, sarcastic way, old significant other, would just say just a few mocking words to #4, which would in turn, infuriate # 4 beyond belief.
The car was pulled over and seats were changed right after #4 yelled:
“Old significant other, just suck my teddy’s dick”
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