Suspended. Third kids get suspended.
While you were sitting at your desk, having your coffee; taking a break from playing Angry Birds, and reading this blog yesterday … my third kid was getting suspended… from school… again.
If I am counting correctly this would make time number 4.
The first time he was sent home from school during the day, for a half day suspension in 6th grade. Yes, 6th grade. He was sitting at the lunch table with classmates, and said to the kid across from him, with an attempted Russian accent “do you know any prostitutes?” Another kid went up and told the lunch aide “he said a bad word”.
We don’t drink the “my kid is an angel kool-aid”, and I will be the first one to tell you my kids are jerks … but I had a hard time freaking out over this one. Suspending a 6th grader for saying the word Prostitutes? He didn’t tell the other kid his mom was a prostitute … he didn’t bring one to the lunch room with him …nor did he beat anyone up with a prostitute ...he quoted a line from a movie. I’m thinking the fact that #3 used a Russian accent when he spoke, combined with the high probability factor, that the other 6th grader, did not actually know any prostitutes, would have led anyone in their right mind, to see this as a nonsense comment made between 6th grade boys.
Mr. Whomever, the assistant principal, did not see it that way, and opted to, in his words, “set #3 straight”. I couldn’t even tell you his name now. There have been an absurd number of Principals and Vice Principals at that school in the 12 years since it opened, who only pause briefly, on their quest to climb the ladder, to go, wherever people with a teaching degree go, to make it big in the education industry, despite having very little experience with children at all.
The second time he was suspended in 8th grade for peeing in the soap dispensers in the school bathroom. Ok this is something I can sink my teeth into and get upset about. There were no witnesses and # 3 vigorously proclaimed his innocence, but the jury didn’t buy it. # 3 was sentenced to a stiff punishment, unbeknownst to him, made more severe, because I suspected his father was secretly laughing at his son.
The third time, freshman year, was for giving a teacher a note with a penis drawn on it. #3 admitted he found the penis note with the teachers name on it, and took it to her, but did not draw the penis in question. The penis note was compared to # 3’s prior penis drawings, and the authorities agreed that the penis note could not be credited, as a one of #3’s works. Despite this ruling, #3 was suspended for passing a penis note. I’m sorry guys – you kind of lost my enthusiasm on this one. I mean if the worst thing my high schooler does is pass a penis note, I think I’m ok with it.
The fourth time, and if he values life, will be the last time, # 3 has been suspended for sexual harassment. # 3 was walking with his friend, who we shall call “Beak Jr.”, and teasing him that he was going to hook up with his cousin. Beak Jr. challenged # 3 that he didn’t have the guts to talk to her. Obviously Beak Jrs’ father, who grew up with # 3’s father, failed to tell Beak Jr. that daring #3 to do something, was probably not a good idea. # 3 yelled down the hall, “Beak Jr’s cousin, I plan on having sex with you.” A teacher traveling the hall at the same time heard # 3 and informed him, he was going to write him up.
Our scene now switches to one of #3 classes, which, as luck would have it, is taught by the one and only teacher, who was the recipient of last year’s “penis note”. (We can talk later about how no one thought, hey maybe this might not be the best idea?). In this class, when another friend stood up at the penis note teacher’s instruction, to go write on the board, # 3 said, as reported in the disciplinary note the penis note teacher sent, to the vice principal “and he said in a voice loud enough for most of the class to here, “Nice butt Joe.”
Our scene now switches to one of #3 classes, which, as luck would have it, is taught by the one and only teacher, who was the recipient of last year’s “penis note”. (We can talk later about how no one thought, hey maybe this might not be the best idea?). In this class, when another friend stood up at the penis note teacher’s instruction, to go write on the board, # 3 said, as reported in the disciplinary note the penis note teacher sent, to the vice principal “and he said in a voice loud enough for most of the class to here, “Nice butt Joe.”
So now, Mr. Vice Principal, with 2 disciplinary notes on his desk for #3, decides its’ suspension time, and gives him 2 days. Ok informing Beak Jr.’s cousin he planned to have sex with her, breaches all guidelines of gentlemanly behavior. # 3 deserves a kick in the pants & fine throw in the suspension, but giving him an additional day for “Nice butt Joe” … submitted by the penis note teacher …come on. I hope this means that; the class cutters have all been caught & escorted back to class; the lunch thieves have all been apprehended & fed; and that all the kids with red eyes that smell funny have been enrolled in 12 step programs.
So the moral of today's story is ..... # 3 should become a mute for the remainder of his school years, and everyone stay clear of the penis note teacher.
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can i have permission to marry one of your sons just so i can become part of this fabulous family?
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