Happy Friday! Another morning where I have to get all children present, out the door and the house looking like no one lives here, for a showing this afternoon – but showings are good & the house is still in good shape so I drag this into the positive category.
Back to tales of driving through hell to get to heaven …. So 2 adults, 4 children, & 3 dogs are traveling 2.5 hours in a Suburban to the Poconos. After the previously mentioned pure chaos that takes place during the first 20 minutes of the car ride, everyone is quiet and life is fine.
1 hour & 45 minutes into the trip is never good.
This is the time, mandated by some evil secret force, for the need to attempt, a game of musical chairs, without stopping the car. The dogs decide they are tired of playing the license plate game, get up and start poking each other. One inevitably does not want to share in the reindeer games, and makes a break for it. As we all know, this leads to the dreaded “oh my penis I’m dying” event, but now, we are also now joined by our favorite women’s suffragist, as she whips out her soap box to screech of the oppression of traveling with 3 boys and hot dog breath. The escaped canine is shoved back into his rightful spot and then it’s time for the much loved game; “I’m bored so I will tease my sibling”. Lucky for me, with 4 kids, there are multiple players, so the game is always energetic.
This is the time, mandated by some evil secret force, for the need to attempt, a game of musical chairs, without stopping the car. The dogs decide they are tired of playing the license plate game, get up and start poking each other. One inevitably does not want to share in the reindeer games, and makes a break for it. As we all know, this leads to the dreaded “oh my penis I’m dying” event, but now, we are also now joined by our favorite women’s suffragist, as she whips out her soap box to screech of the oppression of traveling with 3 boys and hot dog breath. The escaped canine is shoved back into his rightful spot and then it’s time for the much loved game; “I’m bored so I will tease my sibling”. Lucky for me, with 4 kids, there are multiple players, so the game is always energetic.
On the trip we speak of today, our players of mention are kid #2 & kid #4. #4 is flipping through the pages of #2's new Sports Illustrated magazine. He is clearly not following # 2's rules of “careful magazine reading” and is accused of “trashing” the periodical. # 4 starts flipping the pages with malicious intent, and an all out cat fight starts between the 8 and 16 year old, with the 8 year old, bless his little very street wise soul, giving much better than he’s getting. I grab the magazine, to stop the 16 year old regression any farther, but sadly it is too late. The 8 year old keeps up with the verbal pokes and it is apparent the 16 year old is going to blow. I dig through my emergency bag (it takes a while because it’s a big bag) and hand back a pad of paper and a pencil. " #4, here, I want you to write on this." He looks at me blankly and says “write what”. I say, I don’t know write a story. He says ok, and takes the pad of paper. The car is quiet, all children and dogs are in their rightful locations, the disaster is averted, and I breathe a sigh of relief. And then # 4 speaks ....
“Once upon a time, there was a faggot named Tyler”
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laughing so hard
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