We have a vacation home in the Poconos, which Husband built. It is a great place to escape to and we are very fortunate to have it. Getting to the great escape, is always a hurdle, and with 4 ADHD kids, 3 XLARGE dogs & 2 adults parents, in a Suburban for 2.5 hours, a few issues tend to present themselves.
"OK get in the car" is equivalent to pressing the detonation button. All large dogs who have spent the last 2 hours standing directly in front of us so we don’t "forget them" now race to the door, sending any poor soul who may be in their way, flying. The children pick up their multiple "can’t live without items" and start the great seat debate. For the next 10 minutes all children will speak of nothing but how oppressed, tortured, and unloved they are, based on where they have to sit.
Once we leave the driveway, it is time to make the Osborne’s look like a perfectly well adjusted family. The three 75 – 100 pound dogs do not want to stay in the way back of the car and attempt to make their way to a better spot, stepping on human body parts as they go. History shows the groin is in imminent danger, and there will be at least one victim. The injured party will respond with genuine pain, exaggerated flailing of arms and legs, hitting the dog and the yelling "oh my penis" and/or 435 additional names for it, continuously. Remaining family members with one hand covering their no no special place, divide into two camps - some scream as many commands as they can think of - as loud as they can, at the giant dogs standing over them, dumbfounded, and others vehemently defend the dog who was yelled at and hit by the injured "step & run" victim. The dogs are somewhat convinced to return to the back seat, thus triggering another "step & run" incident, thus repeating the above mentioned process, although if the first victim is smart, he is not injured again. Sadly this is not always the case.
This continues non stop until one of the dogs makes a break for the front seat, or until Husband can no longer take it. Either way, he makes a hard right turn for the shoulder on 295 and slams on the breaks. This sends dogs, children, and all "can’t live without items flying" injuring additional people and body parts in the process. The kids scream, Husband screams at the kids, I scream at Husband, Husband drags 300 collective pounds of frozen scared stiff dogs into the way back seat; everyone shuts up, collects their belongings, and nestles into their assigned seat for the remainder of the 2 hour and 15 minute trip.
No one notices if anything falls out of the car, and THAT my friend is how one sneaker ends up on the side of Route 295.
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